When I was in the third grade, I was allowed to stay in the district’s talented-and-gifted program even though I’d been absent one more time than the maximum allowed, since my test scores to get into the class were among the highest they’d seen in the history of the program.
I got a 1540 on the SAT back in the olden days when a 1600 was a perfect score.
I was eight when I found my first typographical error in a library book, and a few years ago I very nearly mailed Charles J. Sykes’ editor an angrily red-penned copy of the error-riddled paperback edition of – here’s your daily dose of irony – “Dumbing Down Our Kids: Why American Children Feel Good About Themselves But Can’t Read, Write or Add.” (It was BAD, folks. Major grammatical errors, spelling errors, garden-variety printer’s typos, the works.)
This evening I forgot, after having been to several concerts at the same venue in downtown Portland, that there is always a parking problem for this event. ALWAYS. I did not allow adequate time to circle several blocks multiple times, park north of Lovejoy, and jog back past Kearney, Johnson, Irving, Glisan, Flanders, Everett, and – hang on, Couch Street? What happened to Davis? It should be right there! Back to Everett. Why am I on 19th? I thought I was on 15th! Wait, Burnside? How did I get to Burnside? More jogging. Extended bad language. My apologies to everybody who lives anywhere from 20th & Burnside to 18th & Everett, especially that poor cyclist, I truly wasn’t talking to you, I was just talking to Portland at large.
On the way home, I missed my exit because I was trying to figure out how many blocks I’d jogged trying to get there on time. (Seventeen.) Yes, this would be the same exit I have taken to get home at least once a week, sometimes more than once a day, since 1991.
Still within a five-hour time frame here, I discovered on the way home that – well, the high beams on my car? The one I’ve been driving since the summer of 2008? The way they kind of blink bright for a second when I turn them on but then I really can’t see a lot of difference? Well, I was pushing the lever the wrong way. If I pull it towards myself, they blink. If I push it forward – they stay on!
Yep, that’s me – bringing balance to the Force, one blonde moment at a time.